I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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