its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize