god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
