I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
