thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
