I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
