you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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