um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
