i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
