Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
