We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
