he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
