Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
