he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
