I like my sex mixed with concussions.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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