I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
