he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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