anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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