I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
