Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
