is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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