So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
