I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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