he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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