we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
