What a fucking waste of an outfit
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
