Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
