wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
