omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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