I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
