I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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