well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
