I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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