I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
