There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
