Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
