"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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