I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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