I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
