I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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