and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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