11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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