I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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