Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
