batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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