Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
