is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
