How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
