forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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