why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
